TheMaskedJew's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Aladdin 3150]

Learn anatomy...

I'm aware of how difficult it is to draw realistic humans, but for chrissakes, there's a fucking limit. Your stupid need to indulge in "cinematic" angles makes the princess look like she has Down's Syndrome. Unless of course, this is the type of post-apocalyptic universe in which everyone's retarded. Also, apparently, the princess' hair is made of several hundred strands of thick acupuncture needles. The best part of the whole thing was the elephant animation, which I'll assume you rotoscoped. What I can't understand is that you attempt to emphasize this grim and gritty neo-futurist reality and then your protagonist turns into a fucking lizard. What is this, Sci-fi or fantasy? It doesn't matter because in any genre that would be considered moronic. The backgrounds are outstandingly simplistic compared to your overtly busy character design, which gets especially perplexing during the scene when the lizard-boy and the princess are stealing away into a dark alley. I gather that this is nothing more than a simple masturbation fantasy from a closet furry who's to embarrassed to admit his shameful fetish.

If you want to "Mickey Mouse" something, try the second movement of Bartok's concerto for orchestra. It's really fab.

FleckoGold responds:

So...Zero flashes on Newgrounds but knows more about it than me, I see a whole bunch of complaints and things I have done wrong. However, I don't see any suggestions about how you would have done it or how I could do it better. Could this be because you are as worthless as your review? As far as your beef about my protagonist goes, if the protagonist fit into society with no problems and isn't really different in any discernible way, then there would be no point in putting him in the story. A couple examples: Samurai Jack (Lo-tech in Hi-Tech world /parallel reference), and umm..... oh! anything good you have ever watched. Being that this is the future, in a world in which you know nothing about, who's to say that isn't a race of people? All you have to do is use your imagina... never mind. As far as backgrounds go, I think you were abused as a child and enjoy the ability to rant at people on the internet where someone will listen, even if they don't care. Speaking of masturbation, I know since real girls are definitely off the menu for you, it must be a big part of your life. That is probably why you chose to mention it needlessly in this review. By the way, I did draw the elephants and I'm glad you liked them. If you ever want to quit heckling from the sidelines, I'm sure I could show you a thing or two about animation. As long as we're on the subject of you and Mickey Mouse, he made better audio contributions to the world in his silent film days than any noise you've ever produced, including your submissions. Furthermore, Mickey Mouse approves of the message.

--Flecko

[:the Composer:]

Would be terrible if not for proficient animation.

I can't believe how poular this flash is. This is maudlin crap on par with an ABC movie of the week starring a slightly-past-her-prime Bo Derek. As for the animation, you certainly have a defined, if not generic, style and professional skills. The music is boring, as you quite obviously lack the ability to compose a non-diatonic chord progression. Apparently, pathos is best communicated through slow, plodding minor chords.

Things this flash would benefit from:

Subtlety: He's sad because his eyebrows are like this / \. There are other ways to convey sorrow, that don't automatically correspond to horrendous cliches.

Better Music: If he's such a good composer, why is his music so poor?

Knowledge of emotions caused by divorce: See "Heavy Traffic," a movie directed by a certifiable retard who still understands the complex range of human emotion better than you.

Despite this, you do have talent as a cartoonist and at least a cursory understanding of music. It would be a shame if you let your talent go to waste on uninspired tripe. Next time you make a flash that attempts to communicate to an audience beyond deteriorating, phallocentric nerds, do so with tact.